A Mother's Journey Blog


Applaud Effort And Not Intelligence
I just finising reading “Get Motvated!” by Tamara Lowe (www.GetMotivatedBook.com ). A must-have book! Tamara donates 100% of the proceeds from this book and gives to children’s charities, including World Vision, Feed The Children, Operation Smile, and Toys for Tots.
 
On pg.205, Tamara talks about a study she came across on student motivation. It suggested that praising children for their intelligence has a negative impact on performance and leaves them poorly equipped to cope with failure. But when you commend a child for their effort, it makes them more eager to learn more. Claudia M. Mueller and Carol S.Dweck, two research psychologist at Columbia University, studied 412 fifth grader. After these children were given easy problems from an IQ test, some children were praised for being smart while others were praised for their effort. Next the children in the study were given a choice between a challenging test and an easier test. 60% of the children who had been praised for being smart chose the easy test, whereas 90% who had been praised for their effort picked the more difficult test. Later, when all the children took a difficult test, the intelligence-praised children became fustrated and lost interest. Dr.Dweck says, “When children are taught the value of concentrating, strategizing, and working hard when dealing with academic challenges, this encourages them to sustain their motivationa, perfomance, and self-esteem.”
 
Verrry interesting, especially since we have spent all of Charlie’s life praising his intelligence. As I have mentioned perviouly, the majority of ADD/ADHD have a high IQ, but yet their grades never reflect this. We were very excited about applying this new technique. After one day, we already notice a change in Charlie’s attitude.
 
Enthusiastically yours,
 
 
Shirley Highers
www.addnaturalremedy.com
 
When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.
Advertisements


Personal Development Programs For ADD/ADHD

When I think about being a parent of a child with ADD/ADHD, the first emotion that comes to my mind is frustration. I would definitely say 5th & 6th grade were our roughest years….and that’s with Charlie on ADHD medication. Let’s see….hmm, from the time Charlie got up in the morning we were constantly yelling, “Hurry up and eat your breakfast!, Why aren’t you ready yet?, Why haven’t you changed out of your pajamas yet?, etc.” When Charlie got to school, he was picked on by other kids in his grade that were all once his childhood best friends because he was always humming during his classes. During PE and lunch, kids called him gay because while his classmates were all interested in girls anatomical parts, Charlie had no interest because of his lack of maturity. In fact if you were to give Charlie a toy army truck he would still play with it. He was always the last to turn in his class work or his tests. Sometimes he wouldn’t even finish his test because he didn’t want other kids to make fun of him for taking too long on every test in each class. After Charlie got home from school, we were always screaming over issues such as, “You have an English test tomorrow and you didn’t bring home your book!, I got e-mailed from your teacher that you got 0 on your homework from last night.We worked on that together, why didn’t you turn it in??” And as always Charlie’s reply was, “I forgot, I don’t know, or just a blank empty stare.” Even dinner was an exhausting task because he was never hungry because of his ADHD medication. We put Charlie in baseball since he showed an interest in this sport but even there he was constantly yelled at from his dad, from his coaches, and from other players because of continuous mistakes due to not paying attention because he was daydreaming. The point I’m trying to make is that it isn’t just hard being a parent with a child that has ADD/ADHD, it can be extremely damaging for their self esteem.

Can you imagine if there wasn’t anything you were good at in your life? Then you add the constant frustration of parents who mean well but only compound the problem. No wonder the majority of these children have the “I don’t care mentality” and the “I don’t care about the consequences attitude.” With parents it’s not so much what you say but more about how you say it. Which leads me into personal development for both the parent and the child. If you do not like the results in your life currently then you will have to become the change first. You will keeping getting the same results in your life if you keep doing what you are doing. I believe it takes 35% proper nutrition & cleanses, 15% exercise, and 50% spiritual development to really have the control over ADD/ADHD. I am absolutely adamant about the importance of proper nutrition but let’s face it, supplements are going to raise your child and help them to WANT to become successful in life.

There are two programs that I recommend for Children’s Personal Development, “Demartini Breaking Through The Myth The Learning Disability Label (1 DVD) and Dr.Demartini’s Lifeskill Toolkit for Kids (3 DVD’s)” http://drjohndemartini.stores.yahoo.net/chpede.html and “Bob Proctors The Winner’s Image.” https://www.shopbobproctor.com/c-6-bobs-best-sellers.aspx. Wouldn’t it be nice to see a different perhaps positive perspective toward your child’s ADD/ADHD. These two programs will get you on the right track. I love love love both of these programs, it’s so hard for me to choose one from the other.

Bob Proctors’ program is INCREDIBLE because it begins at the core helping you understand the power of your mind. At first when you listen to this program it seems like it’s more about “How you can be successful in life and make the money you have always desired.” But in order to do this you must go back to the way your mind was condition when you were growing up. This program’s concept is built on self-esteem and not only is this program important for your child to participate in but you as well. I promise just listening to the first CD will forever change you!!!! This program comes with a work book. I highly suggest that you do exactly what Bob says and not ignore the importance of doing the exercises in this work book. You should do the program first or together with your child.

Dr.Demartini’s Toolkit is something that you should watch once a week. He helps you understand how crucial it is that you find what your child loves to do and link this to school, work, etc… He says everyone has a genius in them…..everyone! Every one of us are really good at something. He shows you through his “Demartini Method” how to awaken this genius. This DVD will make a pivotal difference in both you and your child. Look at this DVD as your first stepping stone in understanding what most public school teachers are not designed to address.

NOTE: Some ADD/ADHD children have put their hyper focus to good use because they have already found their passion such as music, art, sports, etc. And because of this managing their ADD/ADHD doesn’t seem so exhausting but I still recommend even if your child has found what he/she loves and already excels in this area, you should still order these programs. It will only add to their personal development.

Enthusiastically yours,

Shirley Highers

www.addnaturalremedy.com

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.

 



PART 3: “Dog Whisper” Given Me Insight On Helping Other Parents With ADD/ADHD Children

Since the Highers’ household is trying to be better Pack Leaders for our Maltese Fluffy, we all try to make time to watch Dog Whisper once a week together. This way it insures that we are all on the same page and that we are also handling this situation together as a family. What a great way for children to learn when they are put in a position to teach. It’s pretty awesome that Charlie is learning to put into action these three points. Dog Whisper is not only teaching Charlie how to be responsible for a pet but it’s going to help transform him into a leader that handles obstacles in life with a calm assertive state of mind. He’s learning patience and consistency because he is having to repeat himself many times everyday. The first law of learning is repetition. These ideas that go over and over again in his mind will become fixed one day or more commonly referred to as a habit. And a multiple of habits is called conditioning.

3. Caesar says, “You are the Source of the Problem.”

I know this is hard to swallow and I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. But you must take responsibility for your past actions because it is you! Of course it’s not your fault that you or your child have ADD/ADHD. You did the best you could do at the time. You didn’t know any better. But in order to move forward you have to take responsibility or own up to your past actions. I remember the first time I sat and listen to Bob Proctor in his seminar. I felt like someone had hit me with a ton of bricks! I couldn’t believe how I was contributing to Charlie’s low self-esteem. I only wanted the best for him, I tried so hard to do what I thought would help him. Little did I know, I was only compounding the problem. You NEVER nurture insecurity! If you pity a child or an adult than you make them pitiful. If you punish with fear and anger you create aggression and retaliation. If you are raised with criticism where everything you did wrong was pointed out to you, chances are you will be very insecure. So do not feel bad when you realize that you contributed to the problem. A leader sees his/her mistakes and moves on. You must learn to live in the moment! You can not change the past and you do not own the future. People who live in the NOW make things happen. Let go of the past and quit worrying about the future. The only thing that can grow from your child or yourself is what you feed or what you give energy.

Children are like sponges, they absorb everything around them. Many times they do not know how to react to a situation so they feed off your reactions. Children’s mind are so easy to re-direct. They do not hold grudges and they live in the moment. Accept that your child or you having ADD/ADHD is a good thing. Nothing is good or bad unless you decide which it is. I have learned to embrace Charlie’s ADHD and it has made our entire family better because of this. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. You learn more on those days that go horribly wrong than the days that go smoothly. It’s called trail and error. The only way to experience failure is to quit or to give up. Nothing really important happens over night. You have to work at it, I don’t care what it is! I chose to learn from our past mistakes and to let go of the guilt. Charlie currently makes all A’s and is medication free. He’s in advance honor classes. He is in the 9th grade and taking both Alegbra II and Geometry. He’s has friends again. His maturity level is starting to catch up to children his own age. He’s learning that calm assertiveness is the way to be in life. He’s the second fastest kid on his cross country team. He’s in the best physical shape of his life.  My husband change his occupation from being a real estate and mortgage broker to a Life Success Coach because of Charlie.We laugh all the time now! I have a website that helps other parents or adults with ADD/ADHD. I’m writing a book. I have met some of the most amazing people on this journey who I now call my friends. At the end of my day, I smile up at God and say, “I hope my website help someone today.” AND NONE of this would have happen to our family if we would have accepted being victims to Charlie’s ADHD.

Enthusiastically yours,

Shirley Highers

www.addnaturalremedy.com

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.

 



PART 2: “Dog Whisper” Given Me Insight On Helping Other Parents With ADD/ADHD Children

This show is just a wonderful show for the family! Last Friday was Dog Whisper’s 100 episode. I can’t believe after all of these years of bad behavior from my maltese Fluffy, all along the answer I was seeking was already here. This show has been on for like 4 years! I love how Casear goes into the household and changes the owners way of thinking versus training the dog. Okay, I have already gone over in Part 1: Becoming the pack leader. Here’s the second point I want to cover:

2. Caesar says you must Discipline. You must establish rules, boundaries, and limitations!

It is important to understand that there is good discipline and there is punishment. Discipline is when you are in a calm assertive state of mind. Punishment is when you are in a fustrated angry state of mind. That’s why children do not listen. They do not respond to punishment, but they listen to discipline.

There is nothing wrong with harsh discipline or even a spanking when rules are broken, as long as you ARE NOT ANGRY when you are administering the disipline!! There should be no screaming or bad energy!! If you are angry, walk away until you have cooled off before you discipline. When a child does something wrong and you yell at them in anger, all they take away from that experience is the anger and not the lesson. Ask yourself when you were growing up, “What do you remember about your parents?” My dad is retired miltary. He was very strict on me growing up. I was basically raised by a drill sergent. All I remember, was hating everything he said, everything he did, and everything he stood for even though his lessons were to teach me to be polite, considerate, and to always give 100%. Because he was so harsh and controlling, he always left me in a negative state of mind. Even though he meant well, all I remember when looking back is being angry and wanting to do the exact opposite of whatever he said.

If you watch the Dog Whisper, you will see Caesar discipline in a firm consistent manner. He never yells or tries to over power these dogs. And when owners on the show try to use anger or fustration, their dog feeds off that energy causing them to become more aggressive. But the minute their owner takes responsibility for his/her old actions and changes into a leader who is confident, firm, and consistent, this forces everyone around them to adapt to their changes leaving their household in a heathy balance atmosphere.

Trust me I know it can be verrry difficult sometimes for ADD/ADHD parents. In fact it can be down right exhausting! This is why you must invest in personal and spiritual development. If you are fustrated and angry, who will keep the balance in your household? Ya know, it’s just as hard on ADD/ADHD children even though they act like they don’t care. They are constantly feeding off you so you always have to be calm and giving your best. Be consistent with your discipline so children are not confused from what you expect from them. Nothing is worst for a child then your inconsistency! When I ask Charlie, do you remember the time I tried to teach blah blah? He will say, “No not really but I remember you were pissed at me that day.” In fact he will tell you most of his childhood all he remembers was me yelling at him all the time, not WHY  I was yelling or what I was trying to teach him.

Enthusiastically yours,

Shirley Highers

www.addnaturalremedy.com

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.



PART 1: “Dog Whisper” Given Me Insight On Helping Other Parents With ADD/ADHD Children

I have a Maltese name Fluffy. She’s almost nine years old and about 1 month ago we were seriously considering giving her to one of our relatives. I mean we had her loaded up in the car taking her to her new home before I chicken out and said, “Let’s give her one last chance.” So we came home and I went straight to our Koi pond (a lot of prayer and contemplation goes on there). I ask God to point me in the right direction like he did with Charlie’s ADHD and again I promise that I will do the rest! I know we haven’t been good owners because we spoil Fluffy rotten and we do not discipline her consistently but she is my baby. After years of screaming and yelling at Charlie I wanted a pet that I could just spoil and not have to discipline. She was just soooo cute and loveable! Well from the moment we brought Fluffy home she was a nightmare but her behavior issues have gotten worse over the last 2 years. She tears into the trash even when we are home, She kills birds and squirrels in our yard, she pees in the living room when we are asleep at night, and she goes #1 and #2 right in the middle of our living room floor if we leave the house for more then hour. I tried locking her up in a kennel to punish her but she becomes worst when I eventually let her out. Anyway, last week I was waiting for my husband to get off the phone so we could go out to dinner. His call took a little longer then he expected so I sat down in front of our TV in the living room. There was a football game on so I started flipping through the channels. Normally, I NEVER flip through the channels. We have a TiVo. We record our favorite shows and watch them before bed. Other then that we never watch or have the TV on . Anyway, as fate should have it,  I landed on the National Geographic Channel. For that entire day they had a Dog Whisper Marathon. I caught about 20 mins of one episode. Just listening and watching how Caesar handled these dogs with serious behavior issues was a wake up call for me. So I set my TiVo to record every episode. The next day I turned on my TiVo with my notebook and pen in hand. As I’m taking these notes, I’m realizing how his information doesn’t just apply to these dogs but to many parents I have dealt with in the past who have children with ADD/ADHD. Most of these episodes were Caesar training the owners not the dogs. So I wanted to go over 3 points that really resonated with me. For this blog, I’m only going to cover the first point. I will cover the other two points on my next blog entries.

1. Caesar says you must be the Pack Leader. Be dominate in a gentle but firm way to establish respect.

Wow, how many times have I had parents say to me, “Well, if I can talk her/him into taking these vitamins…..or she/he just flat out refuses to swallow a capsule, or my son thinks he is allergic to water, or she/he doesn’t want to get pricked for a blood test, etc. I can honestly tell you right now when my husband and I decided to go the natural remedy route for ADD/ADHD, Charlie did not have a choice! We told him, “This is the way it is! Cause your gonna take everything we give you….PERIOD!” Because we were firm and this issue wasn’t up for a debate, he knew we meant it. His fighting and whining really only lasted about 2 days. Children are going to protest in the beginning, it’s what they do. They test you and they try to see how far they can get until they have realized that they are not going to get their way. In the beginning we had to supervise Charlie in the morning or he wouldn’t drink all of his vitamins or he would take all morning drinking it. But fast forward to present day, Charlie gets up by himself every morning, makes his own vitamin drink, and takes ALL of his supplements. He even has a travel bag for his liquid and powdered vitamins and he also has a daily supplement dispenser that he takes with him when he goes on church retreats or spends the night with his friends. Parents tell me he’s like a little chemist mixing his vitamins before bed and in the morning. They ask me, “How in the world did you get him to do that??” It’s not easy and you as a parent will have to work at this everyday, “You say what you mean and you stick to what you say.” Making Charlie be accountable for the control over his ADD/ADHD not only has made him become so in tune with his body but he knows that he different if he skips his supplements for the day! My goal isn’t to force Charlie to take supplements while he’s under our roof but to create a habit and also to educate him so that he will continue this when he becomes an adult.

You are the parent! You and your spouse are BOTH the pack leaders, so you must take control of the situation if you want to purse natural remedies for ADD/ADHD with life lasting results. It’s strange that Chuck and I did this with Charlie and failed to do it with our dog Fluffy. We let her be the pack leader and we have been paying for that dearly! Children and pets are not meant to run your household!

Enthusiastically yours,

Shirley Highers

www.addnaturalremedy.com

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.



How Do You Increase Higher Serotonin Levels To Help With ADD/ADHD?

I always tell parents or adults with ADD/ADHD that you should donate at a minimum 1 hr a day for researching information for you or your child. Well here is some of the information I came across today. Did you know ADD/ADHD have low levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin? This is also common for Bi polar and depression as well. Did you know that serotonin is produced between 2-3am during your deep REM sleep. So the more often your sleep is disturbed the less serotonin is produced. If you have low levels of serotonin then you are going to have low levels of melatonin because serotonin converts into melatonin. A remedy for proper sleep is to take melatonin before bed. Personally I use Biometics Bio Nite because it’s a delicious liquid form of melatonin. Also taking amino acid L-Trypotophan (5-HTP) will also help synthesize serotonin.

Did you know that you can naturally raise your serotonin levels by:

1. Doing random acts of kindness (Giver)

2. Being the recipient of someone that gives or acts out kindness (Receiver)

3.Witnessing random acts of kindness, you don’t even have to do ANYTHING but just notice a good deed (Observer)

4. Everytime you pet your cat, dog, bird, whatever….

5. Choosing a hobby or career path that you love (having passion) to do.

Individuals who have low levels of serotonin not only do not sleep well but always have a craving for chocolate or starchy foods because it’s a quick serotonin fix. Some of the major reasons for low levels of serotonin are:

1. Yo Yo diets, not getting enough amino acids

2. Medications use up large amounts of serotonin and dopamine

3. Caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine depletes serotonin levels over time

4. Chronic stress depletes serotonin levels

5. Aging; neurons make smaller amount of neurotransmitters as you get older

6. Neurotoxins (Pesticides, insectidies,etc) decrease serotonin production

7. Hormone Imbalances influence serotonin release and activity

8. Genetics, you are born with low neurotransmitter level

Enthusiastically yours,

Shirley Highers

www.addnaturalremedy.com

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they are taking better care of it.